Persevering

Lately I've been so ... ugh. So ugh. Yup, that's the way to describe it. You see, there's so much that's going wrong.

• I feel like the only one on my side is Georgie and everybody else is mad at me or hates me
• My parents won't let me dual enroll and I don't know if I want to anymore, but I know I'll hate it sticking to one school. There is no perfect solution
• I'm getting lazy
• I'm not getting anything done, like school stuff or home stuff or writing novels or writing songs or ALL THAT JUNK!!!!

I guess I just need something to do. So yesterday I sat down and wrote all my problems out in my journal {haha, you just got the shortened version here} but then I realized something.

There are some cute lyrics from a Rascal Flatts song:

Why would you leave the stage in the middle of the song?

Okay, not really CUTE, but I mean that in the way that it fits and it's a line to be remembered. I used to hate it when people talked about giving up because that's just what I wanted to do, and it's seriously not that wimpy when you think about it ... but now I do think about it and it is the wimpy way out and it's just so stupid. That is not me.

So haha, Hello Seattle just came on my Pandora station. I love it how things like this happen to me and I realize, like I realized with my journal yesterday, that ...

You can hold on.

I've always prided myself with my stubbornness and refusal to give up, so maybe that's why I felt so lost two months ago when I started to get sad and hopeless. I realize that I felt like I was losing me because I DID lose one of the biggest parts of me.

One of my amazing friends once wrote that I am persevering. And I looked at myself of late and realized that it's not how I've been at all. I've been ... lazy, stupid, mean, obnoxious, jerky {hehe not the beef kind} ... you name it negative and it's been me.

But today I had a new attitude. I don't think anything really happy happened today, but I didn't let the bad things touch me. I was aware enough not to make any mistakes, but I was free enough to fix the ones I've made before. So I think I can apologize my way out of it and get everything to be fixed.

I used to hold on to things like this so tight. My grip's been slackening, but who says you can't start climbing?