"For the First Time ... What's Past is Past"

Me and Georgie have this list of things we want to do before freshman year. One of them is to spontaneously {read: naturally} sing every song on the Red album. Which means one of us starts it without mention and we have to sing the whole thing. So far it's just Stay Stay Stay. 

But lately I've been playing Begin Again over and over again in my head. Not like I'm secure in the crush department as of late, but we're not talking about that.

Today I did the science fair, which means I spent the whole school hours {and more} sitting by my project and talking to people about it. My throat may be sore {hehe, I can run on forever} but it was ... good, strangely.

You probably know by now that I have strange connections to things. The colors blue and brown remind me of Seattle {sometimes yellow too} and I remember what I do in certain shirts {i.e. cry, reminisce, go to Georgie's house}. This goes for places, too.

This science fair is the regional one. It's held in this big glassy building I've only been in three times. The first time was the science fair two years ago, which mostly I spent with Lightning. {Oh you remember him, don't you?}

Anyway, today was weird because I didn't have any really good friends with me, even outside of the room me and my project were in. I'm not good friends with any of the people from my school, even though we're friends. So I wasn't sure who I'd hang out with at lunch.

Strangely, I remembered that special feeling of loneliness. But then I got invited to sit with the girl who was next to me project-wise, and we went around making friends and ended up in a group of five who'd never really met before. We ... actually, we had tons of fun. 

It was just so strange, things happening at the same time. Usually nothing happens whenever I wear the shirt that I cried in {except somebody always manages to take a picture of me}. But today, new things were happening right over the old.

See, I was making all of these friends, but underneath I was freaking out because I kept having flashbacks to everything I'd once done in that building. Hung out with Lightning, and a boy who moved in the middle of the school year last year. They're both out of my life now. This building has never been on my thoughts until now, and there are some things I just remembered today.


Like how two years ago when I came here, Alligator Sky was on the radio. Today it was Brighter than the Sun, but before that was The Middle.

And how they had the rock climbing wall again. That was one of the crazy things, the thing I remember most.

I'm not one for heights and never have been. I always convince myself to try climbing walls even though I start shaking, and always drop off before making it halfway. But there was once that I did make it all the way up ... two years ago. Only ever that once, and it was because Lightning was cheering me on.

So today I tried it, and it wasn't just the chill wind that made me shiver. But I climbed into the harness and climbed and climbed and thought DON'T LOOK DOWN. And my new friend and her dad were cheering me on and I made it to the top.

And I thought on the drive home,

Hey Lightning,
I made it
Up
Without you.
HA!

Weather Problems

Do you know what's awesome? It rained today!
Do you know what's not awesome? 

Boys.

Okay, successfully for the past week or so I've not even thought about them at all, bar the times when Orqua and Georgie try and get me to talk about who I like. Which isn't so certain right now {but definitely Seattle}.

Anyway, I guess it's time to take a break, because I'm am oh so SUPER tired about boys. It's so cute how this one girl I know is freaking out about one {he hasn't been here for a while and she's been kinda sad about it, but as I type they're having a conversation and he just discreetly called her beautiful}. I guess I'm sort of freaking out about one too. 

In the, you know, get-out-of-my-head-and-stay-out way.

I'm very happy right now without thinking about males and how idiotic they can be. You know, they can be fun too, and right now they're my friends. Not as good as my girl friends, who I'm hanging out with more 'cause it's funner and less worrysome. With my girl friends, I can force Sparrow to eat fries to save Danica's octopus's life, and I can also make gutterballs without caring. Or with an 8 pound ball, your pick.

I can also play soccer and deny when Vanessa tells me I did really good, because I did kick the ball out from between this guy's feet {not to be mistaken with legs} and also kicked it from Stephen's {which was oh so super cool. But hurt, because bare feet + shoes = ouch}. 

But today I really did deny when Vanessa told me I did really good, because when I called to someone so they could pass the ball to me, I was completely open and pass they did not. Plus, everyone was cheering other people on, and nobody even called my name when I had the soccer ball. normally this doesn't bother me, but today it did, because I overheard Storm talking about me. Do you remember Storm? He's the one person who I hate half the time, because I can't help looking at him in the other half.

Well, he was talking about me in soccer today, and if I heard what I thought I heard, it wasn't good. So I was annoyed, because I started feeling like he was against me. I started taking every single time that someone didn't pass to me, or call my name when I got the ball and even kicked it in the right direction. He said about five words to me during that soccer game, where he was yelling encouragement to everybody else. 

I was looking at the sky hoping for rain. I'd voiced these thoughts this morning and he had caught my eye and said him too, but I didn't believe it anymore. Then it did start raining later today and I was happy, but that was only from the nose down. You should've seen my eyes, working up a storm.

The Weather Story

Since I hate putting even nicknames in here, I'm going to tell the messed up love stories of my life with nick-nicknames. Well, not all of them. Because some don't count, like that time kindergarten-age people {like I once was} learn the word "boyfriend" before they learn the word "sixteen". Or "mature" for that matter.

Anyway, one of the killers in my world is Lightning. He was bright and brilliant and kind and awesome. He was talented. He was ... like lightning, because I saw him in flashes of my memory of younger years and then came the time that I really wanted to look, but he'd come and gone during my blink. 

Thus, I miss him a ton. I blame that on the fact that I miss my childhood and all those dreamy days of happiness. He's kind of the figure for it, because it's not like I'm missing anything he was.

That's what Storm is for. Generic. Somehow even though he's so dark everybody is attracted to him. He's not even that cute. But he's super talented in all ways, like art and sports and knowledge, and he's kind of funny too and surprisingly nice. But like storms he's unpredictable and unreliable. Half the time I'm wonderstruck and dancing, but the other half ... well. Rain or snow, sometimes he's cold but sometimes he's warm. You never know.

And that's why I'm not so into Storm anymore. It's not just because of what happened That One Time {don't worry it's G-rated, it was basically my overreaction to when he pretended he liked somebody just to provoke somebody else}. It's just ... he's kinda lost his charm on me.

Then there's Sunburst, just as bright as his smile. He's athletic, talented, artistic, basically Storm without the darkness. And he's always been there for me, reliable like the sun, right? It's just that sometimes I'm a little tired. Because of that, lately I don't like him too much.

And oh sigh, in comes Clouds. Or Sky, or whatever you want to say. He's athletic and funny and nice, but I've yet to find any other thing he's good at. Besides loving music as much as I do {almost maybe}. He's been in the background while all that drama and storminess was happening, but now he's started to come out. And it's just something that you want to stare at. The sky or the clouds, always there but not always noticeable like Sunburst. Dark sometimes, but not so crazy like Storm. And fleeting, but not painfully like Lightning.

So that's my weather story, which is like extra code code for the person I like. You can never be too careful.