Time

I've worn a watch since the sixth grade, by which I mean I take it off to sleep etc. {like glasses! And jewelry!} and sometimes lose it ... but still. I war a watch, and I'm one of those people who looks at their watch a lot to pass the time or to freak out because it's flying by so fast.

The funny thing is that lately, I don't look at my watch at all. I'm so busy every single moment of every single day, whether it's busy being uncomfortably sad or busy being unnaturally happy.

And those are the feelings I get at summer parties.

I remember last year how there were only a few of those but I was depressed at every single one, mostly because I was so scared that it was the last time every time and that nothing would be the same again. I was so lonely then, like I'm lonely now. But things didn't change this year like I thought they would ... only this time I know for one hundred percent sure that things are going to change.

I'm going to high school. My friends are going to high school and they'll have all their old friends and I'll have them, which just makes for the fact that my friends won't be my friends anymore and I'll just be this lonely person who doesn't even have parties to show her feelings.

It's funny because I went to a party at Kahler's house yesterday even though I wasn't going to, but I figured you might as well be lonely in the middle of friends who have the potential of making you okay rather than at home where you can't help yourself. So I go to the party and I pass the time by sitting here wishing that my parents would come and pick me up and regretting that I actually came.

But you know, things can change. Because I started realizing that I'm just being dramatic. I'm a very dramatic person. And it's kind of funny that I brought my watch because I only looked at it once all of last night, and that was because I remembered that I had a watch. The rest of the night I couldn't even feel its presence on my skin {don't worry it didn't get stolen} but I think that's because I've had a realization lately that some things you only get once, so why spend those seconds looking at your watch when you could be looking at so much else?