"Fortune," says Danica, "don't forget me."
This morning, he and I were on the bus talking. Both our favorite weather is rain, and we were both like "YES!!!!" because it was falling when we were on the bus. Which somehow led into a discussion about tarps and buckets and nailing things. With magnets.
I won't go into the details of this discussion, but it was super fun. I ended up trying to make it so that his tarp-bucket plan wouldn't work. He described a tarp on top and a tarp on bottom with the top one held up by me-sized buckets, but I'd say "But if your tarps are being nailed to the buckets then they have holes in them and therefore can't hold water ..." and he'd be all like "Well ... they're nailed with magnets!"
So seriously the whole bus ride was dedicated to that argument, which was just ... amazing. And I got off the bus without the feeling that I haven't talked to Fortune in a while.
The thing is, at the beginning of this year I was kind of seriously mad/sad at him, which meant that we'd have stare-downs and I'd wonder why he wasn't my friend, yet miss him all the same. I wrote about it in journals, but right now I've forgotten what it feels like not to be Fortune's friend.
I guess that's a good thing. It's like talking to Coustic right now. We've fought a lot, but now we're back chatting. Or Vanessa at lunch, how she looked me in the eye and said "Thanks, you've been a great help." But she's needed it, and Coustic is a good friend, and I find so is Fortune.
People say trust is a paper that once crumpled can't be put back, but somehow if you smooth it out you can still think it's perfect.
Today's been super happy. I don't know about you, but I have a weird kind of obsession with clothing where if I'm wearing something that makes me smile, I usually have a good day. So today I ended up wearing these little brown boots. They look just like the picture, only there's two of them! :P
Anyway, those boots were kind of out of my comfort zone. For one, they're kinda short. For another, I don't usually wear boots unless they're the winter/snow kind {not that it wasn't snowing this morning. Stupid weather}. And also they were kinda big.
But still, they're awesome, and they make me smile as previously mentioned ... so I smiled and that's how I started my day, and that made it good.
This morning me and Georgie were TA'ing and we got busy covering books. This may sound tedious or annoying, but I think it's really fun, mostly because I'm doing it with Georgie. Or that I'm OCD and like being given things to do. -_- Don't use that against me ...
Then in History, Buttre was back! He's such a fun teacher and he gave us some more speeches and lectures on random things such as movies about the 1970s. I wrote a letter to Danica.
In French, we worked on our finals, and I managed to figure out that I'd overdone everything and had way too much to say about our improv conversation with my teacher. She was all like "Look how fluent she is!!!!" when all I did was ramble on and on and be really quiet and awkward. Yup, fluent.
Before lunch, I caught Seattle walking to lunch ahead of me, so I ran {well skidded in these boots} and tapped him on the right shoulder, hiding on his left side. But of course he had the sense to whirl around the left shoulder. Psh.
At lunch, I handed Danica the letter from History and she gave me this really really REALLY awesome letter. Which makes me glare her down, 'cause ain't it my job to write? Just kidding.
So now I have a flower on my left palm, which is apparently a symbol of this little "club" that Georgie, her unnamed crush, and Nash created. Which was super cute because Georgie and that guy got to touch hands so their flowers could touch ... long story. But cute.
And during Science, I was actually not confused and had fun sitting next to Danica and understanding energy pathways. Phew. It's such a relief to know what's going on!
So on the bus, I spent extra time talking to Liberty, Kyle, and Souri on the bus because we were late since we had to go pick up some people we accidentally left at school. It was funny since this one freshman was playing Pandemic 2, and Liberty and I started talking about it and discussing tactics ... and I happen to be a girl, which isn't usually a likely candidate for playing a game about infecting the world with a disease and killing every person in it. But you never know!!!! {It's all Coustic's fault, he introduced me.}
Mix in a conversation on the phone with Georgie, and that's just ... amazing. :D
Sometimes, I remember the way it used to be.
"This whole year," I say while looking at the rain-sprayed ground, "I've been wishing that it'd rain during lunchtime."
Georgie and I are walking back from bowling, and I look at the rainy gray sky. It should make me smile, but we cross the street and all I feel like is crying. "Nobody's there," I tell her, and when she asks where I point to the tree. The tree where we eat lunch at, that's bare in the newness of spring, but it was full when I stood under it last year while the rain freshened the ground for a beginning.
Right then though I felt like something was ending. There's a reason I haven't dwelt on standing in the rain, and it's because sometimes even the good times hurt after it all comes crashing down. I had a great time standing under that tree in the rain with Literally, Coustic, and Fortune.
I sing to Georgie: "In the middle of September when we stood out in the rain ... nothing to lose but everything to gain ..."
"I'm not sure what song that is," I say, and it's like how I'm not sure where all that past went. There's so much I won't let myself think about because it was too good and I'll never get it back. Like standing in the rain and how the guy I liked walked me to Science even though his next class was on the other side of the school, or when the sun shone and I threw strawberries at Georgie before we knew we were best friends. When I had fruit roll-ups to spare and when I let love loose on the world in the form of sticky notes.
When I was more innocent, when I was more hopeful, when I didn't realize that sometimes things are never gonna work out for you.
When the future was bright, but then the light went out and I couldn't see the past either.
