Losing

I just sat at the keyboard for a minute or two thinking I should post about something. But that was followed by There is nothing worth posting about. Then I kind of blanched because that's not supposed to be my train of thought, especially after all that business of becoming me again. 'Cause when I started this blog, I had a lot to write about because I'd just lost me and had to find me again. I lost a lot about me--the things that make me happy, the crush on the boy I've had since June, and some things that still aren't recovered yet.

I thought I was having a good time lately, with all that PE leadership and smiling even when I want to scream, and getting good grades and talking to people and giving gifts and hugging people and music and things like that, but I'm still in the same boat with the same troubles. 

The thing is, I'm not afraid of losing a game, or losing to someone, or being a loser. There are so many things I'd be okay with losing--sanity, mind, not that me and my airplaneness has much of either. I'm just so afraid of losing ME.