Something Happy For Reals

Deep breath.

Your past is like your favorite book--there are some parts you forget, and some parts you remember with a little prompting. There are some parts you don't know yet because you just can't skip ahead. There are some parts that are so breathtaking you're going through the pages fast, and there's some parts you take slow. Then there's some parts you can't help but think back to, even though they definitely weren't the best. Somehow you manage to skip all of the really good parts, because when there's negative and positive, you see the blue first.


So here I am with my memory book, and I'm going to turn back to the parts that make me smile.

• When we were in Algebra 1 and having a party, Pen tried to sing Life is a Highway, but when he got to the verses {that I realize now I have memorized} he had to hand me and Vanessa the microphone.
• When Seattle knew my birthday and that I was younger than him, he said "Good, 'cause otherwise ..." and let it trail off 'cause nobody was listening {well, at least he didn't think anybody was} and it was mysterious and happy at the same time.
• The look on Danica's face when we yelled "Surprise!" at the party I helped plan.
• All those times I was home alone and recorded me singing one of the songs I wrote, or banged it out on the piano as loud as I could.
• When Georgie replied to that first letter I sent, and a few letters down the road she called me her best friend, and I realized she was.
• New Year's Eve this year, when Georgie and I stayed up waaaaaayyyyy past midnight talking.
• When I was at the amusement park nearby and got stuck on the zipper upside-down with my sister.
• Fortune tapping me on the shoulder.
• Those green windows when I was little that were warm. I called them "hot tubs."
• Lying in the snow staring at the sky and the beautifulness of the flakes landing on me.
• When I walked outside one morning and my eyes were drawn to the stars.
• When it rained, just for me.
• When Literally showed up at school. I'd predicted it but I'd missed him, but then he appeared out of nowhere behind me and calling my name and saying he was looking for me.
• When I finished writing my novel.
• When Pen replied.
• When Seattle sat next to me on the bus.

And all of those other times that someone wouldn't stop until they had an answer to what was wrong, because they knew without asking I wasn't okay. And every time they succeeded--not necessarily getting the truth out of me ...

but a smile, at least.