Don't Look Back

Georgie and I pass around a notebook and in it is a mood graph. There are all these little circle faces with mood labels and lines connecting them, and we make a dot on a line wherever we are at a certain time. So like if I was sort of happy, I'd put the dot on the line in between happy and neutral, say, and if I was depressed, it would probably be at the intersection of lonely, nostalgic and sad. 

My point is that moods mix up a lot, especially in one day. Things are never clean-cut in life, and sometimes you have to draw the fine lines yourself.

Like today, for example.

As I wrote in my journal during second period, it was a blah day, because it had been so far. The only interesting thing was that Georgie taught me the cup stuff that goes along with When I'm Gone. Oh yeah, and then during French I freaked out and got all shy and nervous during my final and stuttered a lot and forgot all my French preparations. But luckily for me, I had practiced a bit and am okay with puzzling out things.

During lunch though, everything kind of dipped. I went up to the lunch place and found that Georgie was busy talking with Nash. I turned to Vanessa, but she was overly cheerful as she criticized my cup-tapping skills and showed off hers. Then Blaund came to tap cups with her, and I walked away singing to myself:

When I'm gone, when I'm gooooone ...
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my hair, you're gonna miss me everywhere
Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone

I didn't know where I was going. Nobody followed me. I dumped my backpack in the Science building when Souri caught up with me. "Hey," she said.

We wandered, and I sang internally

When I'm gone, when I'm goooone ...
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my walk, you're gonna miss me by my talk
Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone

I remember how Souri used to be really annoying. I mean, she's always been quiet and shy and kind, but she used to be super stubborn and wouldn't take your way, and the annoying thing is that she'd be smiling the whole time. I've always envied her ability to always be smiling, but it bugged me that she always did her own stuff, too. 

But now, Souri is kind and sweet and all the good things. She's lost that stubborn streak, although she will speak up for things she really believes in. So thinking about the old Souri, I realize I can't judge her on that, just like I hope people don't judge me on the weirdo I was that I sometimes am now. 

Don't look back.

And in Science, finding rhymes for a skit with Danica and Nash, I had the most fun in Science than I have had in a long while. So I was smiling even though I was kinda hungry and stuff ... you know. And then in my dance class, I was the one my teacher chose to stand up first and be all strong-like walking slowly forward. I had good fun in places I didn't expect it, and somehow the morning's blah faded away.

Don't look back.