Monday, February 4, 2013

Excerpt From My Journal

I was TA'ing this morning and writing as well, because TA'ing isn't much more than copy machine adventures.

I feel strange. It's the kind of day when you really find out who everyone is.

We wear blue ribbons for {Blaund's brother}'s blue eyes. I'm wearing a black dress over a gray shirt and {my sister}'s soft black skinny jeans. My boots because I want some pink for Blaund.

I saw the blue ribbons around trees and street lamps. Blue ribbon for his blue eyes. What about Smile, because {Blaund's brother} did? That's what August says. Wear yellow like Kahler or remember how wonderful a person was.

Maybe he was annoying. Maybe he was stupid or had a temper but we won't know because we only know the good things.

{Blaund's brother} may be dead, but that doesn't mean he wasn't alive too.

"He doesn't wanna talk about it," says Danica {of Blaund}.

Death or


I told Literally I was going to walk today, not wait. In fact, I just checked my {mail}, and he said it was OK and he sent me something

subject: {Blaund's brother}
How's Blaund?

and I logged out because I could not reply I could not reply I could not reply.

I haven't seen Blaund all morning.

He is going to feel so fake. How can anything matter?

So this is what happens. Sandy Hook. A mall in Arizona. Why would you cause such grief? I'm so out and freezing and I didn't know {Blaund's brother} any other way than through pictures.

He's got blue eyes and Blaund's face with a sideways smile that Heavenly Father is close to now. Grief sounds like brief but {Blaund's family}s' will last forever.

Blue ribbon's not enough not enough and I am wondering why I want to walk away today.

Touched by someone whose life I didn't know about until 36 hours after it ended.

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