Sunday, February 3, 2013

Gone Smile

I don't know how to write this.

Today I got on my gmail and found out by way of Tangorine that ... well, remember Blaund Viff? The guy whose birthday party I was too depressed to go to? I'll start with telling you a few things about Blaund.

I met him three years ago, in fifth grade. Di had this huge crush on him. That is not what we're going to talk about. I met Blaund better this year, when he sat next to me in Science and Business. We made inside jokes like, pink makes my face pointy. We laughed and laughed about dumb things and he always won peppermint contests. He's sporty. He plays water polo, and he's one of those rare boys who are always happy and never violent or anything. He's super sweet and hilarious, and everybody loves him. 

He has a brother. He had a brother.

Blaund's brother is dead.

--since eighteen hours ago, I know something now, know something now, that I didn't before--

I never met his brother, but looking at all the pictures of him online now I think I did know him, in Blaund. He looks almost the same. He has the same face and the same blond hair and everybody's talking about the blue eyes of that angel who is really an angel now.

--flowers pile up in the worst way, no one knows what to say about a beautiful boy who died--

He's smiling in the pictures but nobody I know is smiling now because freezing freezing freezing cold is all I know now. Ever since I heard about it. Thought about it. Couldn't cry about it, because I am frozen in a kind of ice colder than I ever knew.

You hear about this all the time. People going. People going to go. People GONE. But it isn't until it's happening, happened, right now yesterday today for the next forever that you realize how painful it is. 

--you've got a face for a smile you know--

I never met his brother, but I know his smile. I don't think a smile like that will light up the world for a while.

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