Friday, February 1, 2013

Will You Miss Me, Too?

Here's something I should probably explain to you 'cause it's going to come up A LOT, especially lately. I call it the Separation. Just kidding. I named it just barely. But it fits, I guess. Watch me not ever use it again.

Anyway, there are two high schools in my city: PHS and THS. I currently go to PHS in a program that lets me be an eighth grader along with my friends. Next year, I will go to THS, because I'm in their school boundaries, my sister goes there and my sisters will, and it's better in terms of AP. Not that PHS doesn't have AP. It has IB, too, but everybody says that program is a joke and you can't take those classes anyway until you're a junior.

Technically, I'd probably be allowed to go to PHS if I wanted to, but I don't know if I want to or not. That's kind of a problem. I know I can't dual enroll like Fortune, which is where you go to both high schools on different days, which is confusing and irritating, which is what I got from people I know who dual'ed last semester.

Well, sorry I threw all that weird high school and academic weird stuff at your face, but it's just so hard to think about. Where do I got? If I was moving into my city and had to choose between high schools, I still couldn't.

My life makes it even harder.

See, this eighth grade thing means that kids from all over the city come and attend PHS, because it offers the program. I've been in things like this since fourth grade, so my friends come from all over the city. Which will suck, next year when they are half gone.
I feel so all alone ... no one's gonna miss me when I'm
gone {or fix me when I'm broke}
All Alone BY FUN.

Yup. Half my friends {actually, Georgie and all my good girl ones} are going to stay at PHS and I will be one of the few girls I know going to THS, where I will be thrown in with a bunch of new people. I'm actually not too worried about that, since I know I'll have friends with me.

What I'm worried about is the friends I won't have with me.

It's depressing to think about this. This year has gone so fast it's going to be over very soon indeed ... which means I'll be headed off to a new high school and I'm so afraid ... I'm so afraid ...

"You're going to have so much fun next year," I say.

Vanessa, sitting next to me, looks up. "Not without you," she says, and it's one of those times when I can't read her well enough to know if she means it.

I hope so much it's true.

"No, you'll forget me," I say, half-voicing my deepest fear of late--that I'll be forgotten, that slowly I won't be invited to parties anymore {the only way I'll see people} and that even e-mail and phone calls and people will ... let me go, easy.

Vanessa grabs my arm and I feel safe for a little bit because she says 

"No. I'm going to miss you so much I'll cry my eyes out."

And maybe she's saying this for the benefit of the crowd, but there's something nice in having someone tell you they'll miss you. Even if it might be a lie. Because what else can I do?

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