Wednesday, January 23, 2013


Storytelling is a huge part of conversations.

"I was so glad I got lost in a crowd," says Seattle. I open a door for him and some of my other friends, so I'm not looking at him as I say "You're glad you got lost in a crowd?"

He was talking about something sort of unimportant, but I realize it has a deeper meaning, now that I'm through with the day. I finished writing the cast of characters in my life on this blog, and Danica's one of my best friends, yet I haven't talked to her at all today.

Never mind. I said "Hi," to her in the computer lab this morning, but that doesn't really count as she didn't say anything back, because my shoulder-to-shoulder pretend-it's-a-hug was too quick and I was gone, walking fast.

Still, though. Last year when I had all my problems about finding my place among friends, somehow I had time to find out that she was one of my best ones. We write locker letters {AKA a better term for letters-to-someone-who-you-see-every-day} and we pass a notebook back and forth ... I even helped Nash plan her surprise birthday party a two months ago, where Nash, Georgie, & Tangorine helped me come up with the tune for a song I wrote and sing it as a birthday gift to Danica. 

Maybe it's because we changed semesters, 'cause we used to have three classes together and now one of them's gone, and I hardly ever see her in those classes anyway. It just feels like such a distance, and it isn't just Danica.

Let me tell you something about my lunch group. We're basically a group of about ten or so friends, boys and girls. Last year it developed itself. We're not all good friends within each other, but we know each other's names and we're sort of mutual acquaintances. I know everybody in my lunch group better than that though, especially after my encounters with them this year. However ... I'm losing connections as I build them. It seems you can only hold onto so many things at a time before you have to drop some, and it's a while before you find the time to pick it up again.

Lately I find myself in the hallways with Georgie, who I'm never going to lose connections to because even though we only share two classes now, we always make the most of every time we see each other, because being best friends, you know when someone's missing you. Not everybody feels that, though, and I can tell that I'm growing farther apart from people like Danica and Nash every time I spend my lunch with August, Vanessa, Orqua, or Tangorine.

It's crazy. This year wasn't as bad as last year when I didn't know any of these people well at all, but it's still such a crowd. Sometimes you feel envious of the little groups of four or five people in our grade who are all best friends and somehow manage to stick together and be, you know, perfect.

But there was a time at the library when I was about seven. I lost hold of my mom and sisters and they were gone, and I was lost in a crowd and it was one of the worst feelings I'd ever had.

The trouble is, those were strangers, at the library. 

How come I worry over a crowd of friends?

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