Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Today, I'm a winner.

Somehow, surfacing from "feeling blue" always leaves me feeling super happy. After all, just a little push isn't going to get you back from the deep holes you dig yourself into. So for no particular reason today, I started off happy. 

It was one of those quiet days on the bus, when nobody really talks no matter how much you try, but I managed to snag a conversation with Fortune, one of my friends who's usually the one to stare down my conversation starters. I love having good conversations with my friends, 'cause it's when it's me, and that one lasted all the way down the hallway and past.

And when we got past the hallway and stood by the lockers talking, I was immediately ambushed by Danica, and we talked about the stars on her sweatshirt. Sometimes I don't feel part of the conversations by the lockers in the mornings, but today I was. We talked about how Pawson broke his collarbone when he went skiing, and how Saye took a panoramic picture of the whole thing. We laughed about it, and then some of our friends showed up. I hugged Georgie and she and some of our other girl friends ambushed me by interrogating me on why I wasn't at the party.

They weren't mad. They'd missed me. 

It's a good feeling, but now I wish I'd gone.

And then during PE, the strangest winning thing happened. We played wallyball. This is a version of volleyball, but it doesn't make it any more fun. However, I managed to have fun even when Vanessa {who gets even more bossy when it comes to sports} didn't want us on her team. Of course, she chose the people who were actually good instead of Georgie and me, but that was somehow fine with me. Vanessa was freaking out and bossing people around and taking away our points because "It touched the net! It touched the net!" but my team didn't care. Half of us couldn't even set, but we had fun encouraging each other and attempting it. 

There was much laughter on our side. We cheered truly for our team and the other team, and boy did they look unhappy about that. But it's not about the sport, it's about being a good sport. So even though I was frustrated at the beginning, I smiled and somehow the three games that we didn't win were enjoyable anyway.

Being positive can cure everything. I talked to Liberty in the hallway because I got rid of my fear of being loud. I raced him to English, arrived puffy-breathed, and wasn't even nervous during a spelling bee I hadn't studied for. I was positive while I lost my disclosure for PE that was due today, and I was positive during math, which made me finish faster than anybody else when we did whiteboard exercises. Speaking of, I have my candy rewards from that in my coat pocket, and I should probably get to them before my sisters.

But still, I love that so much. It's nice that I even managed to gather the nerve to test Fortune and Liberty. I tested the guy I like, and it was a fun bus ride with everyone laughing. I love starting things like that.

And last week when I couldn't see any of the good stuff ... well, what is there, really? What's so good about all that?

It's playing my little pony with your little sister for half an hour, and comforting and whistling to your baby brother for the next. It's running down the hallway not because you're trying to beat Liberty, but because it'd be nice to reach the speed of light. It's finishing three laps of two gyms a lap running the whole time. It's when you lose, but you don't, because you smile, so you win.

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