Saturday, April 20, 2013

It's Not All Wrong Anymore

It's interesting how you expect something and get something the complete opposite.

I have a habit of being depressed at parties. There were 3.5 depressed ones before I learned how to have fun again, but then after 1.5 amazing ones there were 2 depressing ones ... then the fun one from last week ... but yesterday was Georgie's.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to be depressed at my best friend's birthday party {or mine} but things like that just happen. This week has been one of my worst all year, and that's kind of saying something. It wasn't just boy problems like it was last year. It wasn't just girl friend problems like most of this year. It wasn't just school problems. It was all three ... and let's just say I've had a TON of fun. *sarcasm*

So last night I wasn't too excited when I got to Georgie's. Her cousin was there and since I was first to arrive {I bothered my parents to drive me early because I'm always late to Georgie's house} we bopped balloons around and it was fun, but then after Nash and Danica showed up, I started clamming up. The movie started and I'd make funny remarks and Nash would smile a little, but Danica wouldn't react when I talked to her or replied to something she aimed at Nash.

So I sat all alone on my chair thinking I deserve this. And I had one of my favorite songs stuck in my head and my brain repeated this one phrase over and over again:


and I could feel the tears starting. I'd had some fun at places like these, but one thing I knew about this party was that I was going to go home and pretend it had been fun to my parents and bury my face in my pillow and cry.

But then Danica came to my rescue and she poked my sock and wouldn't give up and unknotted my hair and laughed at me and put her chin on my shoulder and said she was my conscience.

And you know, sometimes it takes your best friend having a peppermint contest with you to fix things. Sometimes it's yourself. It's all in your mind.

But sometimes you have to let your knight come in and save you and then Danica hugs me and whispers "I hope you're OK," and I say "I'm OK," because maybe I am now, and maybe I'll get better, but you gotta start from somewhere.

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