Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Or Am I?

Today hurt like how Kyle and I talked about not having nerves and not knowing about the knife until it's there.

But I've sure been looking down, so of course I know.

Seattle talks to me in the morning but I'm sure it's only just to have something to say.

Clocks comes on Pandora. 

Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides I tried to swim against

It starts at the beginning and end of the school day. Yesterday on the phone Georgie said she'd turn up the volume because I sounded quiet, but I  s quiet on purpose because I didn't know what was going on, I've been so lost ...

Have brought me down upon my knees
Oh I beg I beg and plead ...
I just want to find a place to be. That's pretty much all I ever ask of life, just to ... that one word I wrote on a card in math yesterday, digging my pen deep into the fibers of the index card. Belong.

Trouble that can't be named

I don't know what's wrong with me. All of a sudden I'm a jerk to everybody and they're all staring at me like they just stopped talking about me behind my back and I think I know what they're saying but I can't just walk away because they're all I've got.

Come out upon my sees
Cursed missed opportunities

Seattle is laughing because of something I said in sign language to him. Danica is smiling at me. Georgie sticks out her tongue in reply to something I do in History across from the room. But nothing feels right, and I know ...

Am I a part of the cure
Or Am I a part of the disease? 

I'm part of the disease, something wrong that's taken over me and spreads into everyone else and if only they'd root me out which they will--

Home, where I wanted to go

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