Tuesday, May 28, 2013

What Danica Knows

"Danica, what do you think about when you fall asleep?" asked my friend a couple weeks ago during one of our therapy sessions.

"I think about good memories," she answered. Which isn't what I do, isn't what I did at all, but now I've realized the magic of that.

It's the end of the school year. There's only one day left, and not everybody is going to go tomorrow because it's like today. Today was pretty much the last day, actually, the last semi-normal day and the last day of half my classes.

We spent lunch signing yearbooks and I go through mine wanting to cry, and with the rain that's falling outside I'd be okay. "Why is it raining on the last day?" cried August. "Like, what the freak?"

But I think it's because the sky is crying too. After all, we're the ones who put sunshine in it.

Like, way to be all selfish there. But I really believe that of me and my group of friends. At least that's where the sunshine in my sky comes in, especially during the storms I bring about. Because then there's a rainbow, and it's the prettiest miracle there ever was.

But that miracle is ending. I've spent two years with these friends but next year is freshman year of high school and 5 times the people there are now and I'm just so afraid of losing people and having them lose me and it's just this emptiness inside of me that refuses to believe this is happening.

"I'm going to wake up one day in the middle of the summer and it'll hit me," I said on the way to get my yearbook today. But that'll be the big hammer hitting. Right now it's kind of like little knives, and my heart is being torn to pieces.

There are rain splatters on my yearbook because I was reading it in the rain. I took millions of pictures of the tree that my friends and I sit under. But they might as well be tears because that's how I feel right now. I feel so sad. This year is over.

But then ... then I think about all the amazing things we've been through. So what if the future isn't so bright? At least I've lived a fairy tale this magical and it even came with a happy ending. Now that that's ending, I can close the book, but that's not to say I'm not going to go back to it.

Because I am. A lot. So far, these past two years are my favorite book.

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