Thursday, March 21, 2013

"For the First Time ... What's Past is Past"

Me and Georgie have this list of things we want to do before freshman year. One of them is to spontaneously {read: naturally} sing every song on the Red album. Which means one of us starts it without mention and we have to sing the whole thing. So far it's just Stay Stay Stay

But lately I've been playing Begin Again over and over again in my head. Not like I'm secure in the crush department as of late, but we're not talking about that.

Today I did the science fair, which means I spent the whole school hours {and more} sitting by my project and talking to people about it. My throat may be sore {hehe, I can run on forever} but it was ... good, strangely.

You probably know by now that I have strange connections to things. The colors blue and brown remind me of Seattle {sometimes yellow too} and I remember what I do in certain shirts {i.e. cry, reminisce, go to Georgie's house}. This goes for places, too.

This science fair is the regional one. It's held in this big glassy building I've only been in three times. The first time was the science fair two years ago, which mostly I spent with Lightning. {Oh you remember him, don't you?}

Anyway, today was weird because I didn't have any really good friends with me, even outside of the room me and my project were in. I'm not good friends with any of the people from my school, even though we're friends. So I wasn't sure who I'd hang out with at lunch.

Strangely, I remembered that special feeling of loneliness. But then I got invited to sit with the girl who was next to me project-wise, and we went around making friends and ended up in a group of five who'd never really met before. We ... actually, we had tons of fun. 

It was just so strange, things happening at the same time. Usually nothing happens whenever I wear the shirt that I cried in {except somebody always manages to take a picture of me}. But today, new things were happening right over the old.

See, I was making all of these friends, but underneath I was freaking out because I kept having flashbacks to everything I'd once done in that building. Hung out with Lightning, and a boy who moved in the middle of the school year last year. They're both out of my life now. This building has never been on my thoughts until now, and there are some things I just remembered today.

Like how two years ago when I came here, Alligator Sky was on the radio. Today it was Brighter than the Sun, but before that was The Middle.

And how they had the rock climbing wall again. That was one of the crazy things, the thing I remember most.

I'm not one for heights and never have been. I always convince myself to try climbing walls even though I start shaking, and always drop off before making it halfway. But there was once that I did make it all the way up ... two years ago. Only ever that once, and it was because Lightning was cheering me on.

So today I tried it, and it wasn't just the chill wind that made me shiver. But I climbed into the harness and climbed and climbed and thought DON'T LOOK DOWN. And my new friend and her dad were cheering me on and I made it to the top.

And I thought on the drive home,

Hey Lightning,
I made it
Without you.

No comments: