Thursday, March 14, 2013

Not Just Me

Today wasn't too much of a good day.

I don't know what was with me, but by the time we were bowling in PE I was down down down. Usually I keep my spirits up, especially around Vanessa {who soaks it up when I'm not happy, because she's so good at everything}. But I was just sitting there or standing there trying not to cry. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because of the shirt I'm wearing. Maybe it was because there was black light. Maybe it was because my smiles ran out.

Lately I've been feeling like that. I was talking to Georgie yesterday about how some things just don't change, like the way your heart skips a beat whenever you see him. Or the way his doesn't.

Or the way you cried yourself to sleep at night after fighting for what you want.

Sometimes I'm so tired I forget to smile, or just plain forget things.

For all you who don't know, you write ZAP
on the back of someone's hand along with a
time. Then you write a dare on their palm. If they
read the dare before the time {or if someone tells
them} then they have to do it. Have fun!
But after getting nothing done at lunch, things started going okay. The guy who sits next to me in Math {who's actually kinda good looking, if you see that in people, which I don't, especially because he dated* Di a while back} was probably watching me write a birthday letter to Kahler {whose birthday is tomorrow} and draw her a pretty epic picture, if I do say so myself. Anyway, he saw the ZAP on the back of my hand, and when it was 2:10, the time of the ZAP, he tapped me and said "Hey you can look at that now."

That meant a lot to me. Like, I know, if you've been staring at somebody's weird drawings all math you might as well be bored enough to see the time on the ZAP that Danica gave them. And notify them, while staring at your watch intently so you know the time.

*Di being far too young for dating

But that was cool. Then I went to a NJHS meeting, where I played Uno with many of my friends, including Liberty. It was really funny because after a couple of games, Kahler came to sit by me. I was sitting next to Liberty {with Kahler between us, I'm not really counting her for right now 'cause she wasn't playing} so I kept trying to make him lose ...

starting from when I had a +4. I put it down and then said "Hey Liberty, what color DON'T you have?"

He was like "Um," while Kahler leaned over and said "He has two greens and a yellow."

She leaned over again while I laughed. "Make that two yellows."

So I said "I pick blue then," but before he could draw, I picked up the next four cards, which were two blue two green.

"Nevermind, I choose red," I said, and gave the cards to Liberty, who was like "What the?" while everyone laughed.

Then a couple of rounds came and he didn't have any reds while it would always be red, so he'd have to keep drawing more. We had like an all out war before I had to leave ...


I can't believe my mother let me go through with this. I've been wondering if I should do one for a while. I've done two surprise birthday parties before and they were both for friends, but my little sis is always saying that she hasn't had one in a while and I think she's deprived, since I've had one almost every year since fourth grade, and she's had one ... once or twice, not for the past couple of years.

So I made invitations today, and then I called my mom during NJHS and she said yes! So she drove me to my sister's school and I passed them out secretively, and then we went to the library, where I spent an epic hour checking out books {hehehe 4 thick ones} and talking to Georgie via gmail {my library has everything}.

Then I came home and went out again with previously mentioned little sis for a pi day celebration.

Here's the thing: I don't like pie.

Yet ... I had pizza {pie}, berry pie, and chicken pot pie.

Now I feel fat. But hey, content. 'Cause Georgie handed me a note this morning. It said that sometimes, she stared up at the ceiling and thinks that she'd give anything to be somebody else.

"But then I think that I would take that all back because if I was somebody else, I wouldn't have you." Or something along those lines.

I was walking to Band this morning when I read that. I got tears in my eyes then, but it hasn't hit me 'till now that it's wrong for me to be thinking so much about myself and how I wish I could change because I hate most of me. 

See, I always miss the good parts.

Like Uno, and ZAPs and even getting to bowl during PE. Like Danica and Nash helping me, like Vanessa hugging me, like little sisters and secrets they won't find out 'till Saturday. 

Like Georgie.

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