Sunday, March 31, 2013

Birth and Rebirth

Easter marks a lot of things.

It's weird how every year, it's around this time that my eyes really open. I see my past, my present, and my future clearer than before. Last year, I started getting this feeling of belonging. I had finally figured out where I was, who I was, and who I was going to be. This year, I see all that I am, all that I've done, and all that I can and want to do. 

It's nice when you come to a corner or a door, because sometimes you don't know where you're going. It's like that one funny line from Inception that Mal likes to scream over and over again {and I quote just as much}. But no matter how much I love to laugh at it, it's true:

You're waiting for a train; a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope it will take you, but you can't know for sure.

That's how I've started feeling around spring break and Easter--that I'm turning a corner, facing a door. You can look back all you want because that's going to stay, but it's not going to make you any more sure where you're going. I always know what I want to get out of life at this point, and I've already gotten some of it. It's like the final stretch of the mountain, when you're already at the lower peak thinking the view's nice enough. Should you go further and risk the fall?

I'm just so happy this time around. Last year it was a feeling of relief 'cause I'd finally found my place, but it was tainted by this fear that nothing was going to be the same after the school year ended. Well, not everything is the same as it was last year, but I think that this year has definitely been one of my happiest years yet {peaceful or no}. I'm so glad things have turned out like this, and I've had a part in this. To think of everything that's happened since last Easter ...

  • I learned a lot about the environment ... and frogs.
  • I gained a best friend {or, made a best friend. Or, found out that my friend was best}.
  • I rode on one of those rocket rides for the first time since I was like, eight. And I didn't puke or turn green or anything. So I rode it again and again. :P
  • I watched the past replay in front of my eyes, pretty much.
  • I planned two ... wait, three, surprise birthday parties. For not me.
  • I went ice skating with friends twice.
  • I watched a movie with friends.
  • I figured out pretty much everything on my calculator.
  • I had my first sleepover.
  • I was elected a representative for my grades.
  • I got first place in my school for the AMC10, even though I'm not a sophomore.
  • I finished my first journal.
  • I saw Pen again.
  • I participated in Mathcounts.
  • I choreographed a dance that went above and beyond my wildest hopes for it.
  • I had fun.
So ... this time around, I'm not really scared of what's going to happen, because I know I'll survive it. Sure, maybe they won't be as good as they are now, but I can't be afraid of that. The view is nice from here, but it can get better. And if I do fall, someone'll catch me ... either that, or the view will be pretty dang sweet from there too. 

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